Villains, Not Coherence (pt 1)

I’ve been sitting with some seemingly unrelated inputs this week: the Lindsay Clancy trial and reading Yesteryear for book club. They both seem to create the same sort of aggravation in me as well as a similar level of dread. Not only for the obvious tragedy that is the death of children and the oppression of those held captive by fundamentalism, but for our societal lack of capacity for complexity. 

People are unwell. We all know that already, except we don’t act like we know it.

To be fair, I am mostly out of the loop of the Clancy case. It’s so sad and so close to the reality of people I have known and loved. Not Lindsay’s actions, but the set up. The intrusive thoughts, the courage it takes to ask for help, the search for relief, the promise of a new intervention working and then the despair when it doesn’t. Most lay people don’t know how often this happens, nor how hard it is to find care that doesn’t separate moms from their children when more oversight is needed. 

As providers we are on a tightrope between restriction for safety reasons and client autonomy. When you add in the element of insurance systems and infrastructure that place no value on collaborative care, this whole thing makes more sense than it should. It hits so close to home as a clinician, a friend and a mother.

Recently, with the live streaming of the court proceedings, it's finding me through my intended distance. Social media feeds, salacious headlines. It is almost always being brought to me with an element of entertainment. As a society of millennial mom’s, we are sat. “Did she do it?” “Is she a monster?” Or the latest conspiracy of “was she set up by her husband?” And I am not above these conversations, let me be frank. We all want a cohesive narrative understanding from a safe distance when we are faced with tragedy. Our algorithmic overlords are taking that out for a spin morning, noon and night. Our social survival instincts have us hooked.

In weeks or months from now, we will know what the court decides. Was she a cold blooded killer? A monster? Or a woman caught in the throes of a postpartum psychotic break? 

The question underneath it - is she like me or is she something “other”? Can I make room in myself for the idea that humans take these actions for reasons that make sense, that are coherent to them. Monster or Desperate Mother, both come from somewhere. And if we follow the thread that “somewhere” will make sense. If we could learn to see it that way, if we are willing to look close enough, what might we learn?

And that sense making will not absolve her. Understanding context need not erase consequences. But, though scary, doing the work of seeing others in their complexity and humanity makes us all safer. Safer from the particulars of this tragedy? Maybe. Safer in our day to day lives with the humans we share homes and classrooms and offices with? Absolutely. 

When we learn to tolerate and track coherence in others, even those who do the unthinkable, we become people who more deeply understand our beloveds and our neighbors. We are, likewise, met in the world with more generosity and understanding. 

Sadly, we are stuck in the easily consumed othering. The public wants a villain because blame is more bearable than facing reality in all her complexity…

Which brings me to Yesteryear... [see pt 2]

Autumn Starks is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Internal Family Systems Certified IFS Therapist, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), special interest in Complex PTSD and other disorders resulting from religious trauma and spiritual abuse, Certified in Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy through the Integrative Psychiatry Institute, and is the founder of Starks Therapy Group in Oak Park, IL where she partners with Richard Clark, CRNA, APRN, to provide ketamine-assisted psychotherapy and they host together the Ketamine Collective for therapists.

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